Don't fear the Prober

   My kids are watching a program on alien abduction. Can some body please explain to me why these aliens almost always; A) visit folks waaaaay out in the woods, B) insist on probing these abductees, and by ‘probing’ I do not mean heavy questioning, and C) tend to come back and revisit these very same folks at random times for further ‘inquiries’?

   It appears that hoards of inter-galactic perverts have been roaming the universe violating random life forms. Humans are obviously their favorites and they seem to consider us as some kind of kinky ‘Club-Med’. My theory is that these are actually evil Star-Trek-esque galactic pirates on some kind of freaky shore leave.

    It is also highly suspicious that they always attempt to ‘suppress’ the memories of the abductees, but never quite manage it. Either this makes them totally inept, or they are using their interstellar memory-twister 3000, (Photonizer not included) to relive the moment. Every time they want a good chuckle they just point it at earth, hit the button and then roll on the floor laughing in a puddle of their own green drool, as some guy named ‘Earl’ with a total of three teeth , has 5.67 seconds of total clarity before it all goes ‘fuzzy’ again. “Dang Edna, I almost had it that time…fetch me that bottle. my nerves is just all riled up!”

    There also appears to be a whole group of psychologists who secretly believe they are Special Agent Fox Mulder, and if they can just put these folks under a little hypnosis, and perhaps a wee dose of Rohypnol, the truth will be up there, excuse me, I mean out there. Well of course they get the MOST amazing stories out of these sessions. Much in the same way you or I would get to the truth if we were to, say, enjoy a fifth of Jack Daniels, seek someone out with a medical marijuana license, and dance naked around a bon-fire. Just think what you might remember in years to come!

    *(Pause for a brief politically correct moment) To all you ‘abductees’ out there who might stumble upon this blog; I completely support your right to your claims of violation by the bigheads!!! Stand proudly by your story; proclaim it loudly and vehemently to everyone who will listen! Especially seek out Wal-Mart shoppers; rest assured there will always be someone there with a phone camera, ready to believe you!

Tonya Willman ©2010