Oddly Malingering

     Okay, So we were watching a Dateline show about this doctor who killed his wife, and tried to say that it was because he was an insane cross-dresser who had been abused as a child, and his sister hadn’t been, and so if he took his wife’s birth control pills and dressed up in her clothes, he would then be like his sister, and could tell himself he was not the one who was abused!

     WOW! I will say, he was extremely odd. His mannerisms were odd, his looks were odd, and his behavior was totally odd. Why anyone would seek him out as a physician, let alone a husband is beyond comprehension.  Now, okay; this oddddddd behavior is the crux of the case.

     The defense, of course, painted him as crazier than a crap-house rat. BUT the prosecution said,’ Back the mental-facility wagon up!’ They said a picture of a guy in some heels and a wig proved nothing! They said that his claims of taking her birth control pills were bogus, and that blasting her with a shot gun in front of her brother and the babysitter was completely premeditated.

    Of course he underwent rigorous psychiatric testing and observation.  This is what I love; they had this great psychologist who watched him oh-so-carefully. Apparently when he (the murdering, cross-dressing -birth- control- pill-popping defendant) didn’t think anyone was watching he behaved perfectly normal. But, when he had his crazy-game on he would squench his eyes shut tight so he didn’t have to look at anybody, and cover his face with his hands, and then churn them through his long greasy hair. We got to witness this for ourselves when he took the stand. It was spectacular! Malingering ….that’s what the psychologist called his behavior. Sweet! Malingering is the technical term for FAKING!!!!!

    All of you probably knew that. You probably use that word on a daily basis. I was grossly ignorant of this awesome term….’malingering’.  Malingering/aka…BIG FAT FAKER!  If I had heard the word without its definition, I would have pictured someone succumbing to a case of the vapors or possibly lingering around the house due to some wretched malady, and I don’t know why…it’s just what it sounds like to me. But no! Ha Ha! I plan to use this word in casual conversation whenever possible. Such as; “Sir, you have parked your car in this handicapped spot, however, based on the fact that you are lifting those fifty pound sacks of dog food into your trunk, and squatting with ease, I believe you are malingering”, or “You big fat malingerer! That neck brace is clearly made of Papier-mâché!”

   Anyway, so as you probably guessed they convicted the malingering weirdo doctor of first degree murder and sentenced him to life in prison. However, and this one is your call, he hung himself in his prison cell about five years later….What’s it all mean? Was he really crazy? Was he overwhelmed with remorse for his crimes? Was he somebody’s favorite inmate, if you receive my meaning, and if so, how does that effect the cross dressing mia-culpa?

    Oh sure, I know what you’re thinking, Tonya, you sound so callous, these were real people! This isn’t just some crime show like C.S.I or Criminal Minds (the best show ever! Season premiere tonight @9:00) How can you treat this as just so much entertainment!  Well, I really don’t……I am such a malingerer!

Tonya Willman ©2010