Sunday, September 25, 2011


I am having an 'ugly' day today...I hate that, but what can a girl do? I will be 51 Wednesday the 28th...and time marches on, right across your face.
Yesterday as I was walking my dog I ran into a ‘fracquaintance’ ----this is defined as ‘friend’ you are not terribly close to, but you’re better acquainted with than, say, your dental hygienist--- She caught up with me and we walked together for a ways.  All was lovely until almost the very end where, just before we parted company, she told me that initially she had mistaken me for another lady we both know (actually, another fracquaintance) apparently upon first glance she thought I was--- and here we will pick a random name out of a hat for anonymity purposes---‘Tilly’. But then, whew! She knew I was NOT ‘Tilly’ because ‘Tillydoesn’t... have a little dog!
Really? In my wildest dreams I NEVER thought I would be mistaken for ‘Tilly’---who is perfectly nice---but it has confirmed the fact that I have now attained that ‘matronly' look that I have so long sought after.
First of all; ‘Tilly’ is 10 years older than me and has happily let herself go gray. I just spent WAY too much money on my getting my roots done, highlights and a ‘styling’ as a present to myself for my birthday! Also, I thought I was far less round than ‘Tilly’. I mean, I know I am not svelte, I might not be even merely plump, but having lost around 30 pounds in the last while, I apparently have deluded my mind into a false self-image.
Last year, when I hit the big five-oh, I took it hard. Some of you may remember my melt down from receiving my first AARP letter. I think they sedated me, it was all a blur. But then one of my sweet friends---Thank you James---helped me get a better perspective. He cajoled me through it, made me laugh, and said “We are faaaabulous Dahling!” It worked! So it never occurred to me that fifty-one would be any kind of a bother. But thanks to my fracquaintance, every time I look in the mirror now, all I see is ‘TILLY’…
I had actually come to believe that I was one of those who are choosing to age ‘gracefully’. By that I mean that my funds do not go beyond affording anything more than smearing some sort of Oil of Olay type product on myself morning and night. Or as my dad calls it “Oil of Old Leg”….Well, Frack That! I am changing my hair style or something!!! Maybe I’ll save up for that dowager’s hump removal I’ve had my eye on.
Is this what happens to those middle-aged bald guys who would sell a kidney for a corvette? Oh the bitter irony! How many times have I seen them in their shiny convertibles with their equally shiny heads and shouted; “Mid-life crisis!” or “Man-o-pause!” then merrily went on my way? But, never again shiny bald man! Because somebody was your ‘Tilly’ too, weren’t they? At some point every one of you wanted to weep openly and say, ‘George’? You mistook me for ‘George’?
I remember a quote from the movie ‘Fried Green Tomatoes’ when Evelyn Couch says, “I’m too young to be old, and I’m too old to be young.” You and me both honey. I suppose once I get past this stage I can relax. Right? Right older people? Oh Lord, do NOT tell me that it gets pointed out at the senior-center that you have more liver spots than your fracquaintance in the knitting club, or that you used to be better looking before you got your dentures and, for heaven’s sake, stop making them clack together while you eat!
Oh, okay, I see the hand writing on the wall. I now understand why I’ve experienced random senior citizens that I do not know announcing to me, in the frozen foods section, that they can touch their toes and walk five miles, and then whisper coyly that they are often mistaken for their own daughters. Vanity, thy name is human frailty, unless, of course, it is Tilly….or George.
 Tonya Willman

Friday, September 23, 2011

The Machine

All the new Facebook changes have irritated a lot of people, including moi. There have been poems, odes, commentaries and even threats written about them. But do you think that bothers young Mr. Zuckerberg one bit? Pardon me while I wipe away the soda that I just spewed from my nose.
Really Facebook, Net Flix, Yahoo, Google and the myriad of other mega internet  giants that are thrusting change upon us, whether we like it or not, and with no options, are just monolithic barometers of the times we live in.
They seem to be modeling their ‘service’ premise on the government’s longtime policies. These policies are clear; we are peons who cannot possibly know what is best for us. We will have change, and we will like it!
My mind boggles at the complete ‘out-of-touch’ state that politicians, the entertainment industry, the rich and big business exist in. Actually I could have just condensed that statement down to one entity and saved space couldn’t I?
The millionaires are crying foul over the threat of having to pay their fair share, citing the premise that it takes away their ability to create more jobs. I see a LOT of yachts and mansions and fancy cars and ridiculous amounts of money spent on everything from shoes and watches to ‘pre-school graduation parties’ for their children (extra ponies please….and throw in Circque du Soleil), but I do not see a lot of new jobs. These people do not live down here with the rest of us. But, they control the press and the news and the toys and the programs and the fashion and the technology. Oh yes my little robots, we are manipulated at every turn.
Of late I have had many opportunities to go to and from the rescue mission and homeless shelter. I see pitifully poor people. I see the homeless and the disenfranchised lives. I see people who sleep on the floor and are grateful for whatever food is available that day in the soup line. BUT I also see several of them walking around with cell phones which I cannot afford!?!?!?! You cannot swing a dead cat without hitting someone with a cellphone and a gallery of tattoos….I am not judging here, merely stating facts.
Oh listen, I do Facebook, and have my Yahoo account. I deal with Google for this blog. And every once in a while I go mad and believe the hype over some new thing, causing myself to pay good money for something I absolutely do not need. But what I am feeling like, is that we live in the machine…we are all shaped and manipulated by the big money that we will never see.
I think that the only way we could completely avoid this would be to totally live off the grid. But, this is not going to happen for 99.9% of us because we are not survivalists nor are we Ted Kaczynski.  I have just been feeling very ‘pawn-like’ in the last couple of days. But, on the brighter side, I also realize I do not have to accept it. There are many ways to control my little corner and feel at peace. It’s just that I look at what the world is becoming, and though I know it is inevitable, in fact it is prophecy…it makes me sad for our children and theirs too.
I was in the store yesterday and saw a boy of about eight years old following his mother around while she shopped. He had his cell phone to his ear and was railing at someone about how they could not possibly advance to a certain level until they had earned enough points to buy some sort of mega death weaponry. The mother was just happy as a clam, there almost seemed to be a bit of smugness about her amused smile as he trailed after her ranting into his phone, which once again, I could not possibly afford….but I digress, and this is NOT about phone envy, this is about a haunting sadness at how the world seems to have lost what little bit of innocence it had left.
Somehow I want to blame; Snookie, Lady GaGa, Dancing with the Stars, US domestic policy and GoogleFlixSpaceNetYahooTubeBookYouTwitFace...Tonya Willman

Monday, September 5, 2011

Bits and Pieces

I love pearls of wisdom...kernels of truth are good too. Seeds of faith are lovely. I even love drops of Jupiter...I have collected a whole bottle!...but I try hard to avoid webs of lies and roots of bitterness. Also...unless they are the edible kind one would do well to avoid all nuts, fruits and flakes...*evol granola...~~Tonya © 2011