Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Mr. Whackadoodle or how I became a criminal

Okay, so the day started out like most days; I woke up semi-depressed and decided I wanted to stay in my room with my door shut and my iPad fired up…but No, the fam began chiming in “It’ll get you out of the house,” they said. “It’ll do you a world of good” they said. “Just look how sunny and balmy it is outside.” they said. “Let’s go to Redding!!!…” They cried. I was not easily persuaded, but I did need some supplies that Costco can only offer in the mass quantities that make you think you are getting a better deal than haggling with Omar in downtown Istanbul [or Constantinople, as I like to call it.]
So I blathered around for a while before agreeing, Anyhoo, Jamie, Jacob and I set out for “The Big City.” Bill stayed home to putter around the yard, because he is no fool and not easily talked in to crap.
I was almost out of the canyon. Almost dropping down out of the crack when I came upon, [*ominous music] an Oregonian driver. He had decided that he did, in fact, own the road. He was in the passing lane doing 60. We all formed a parade behind him. Some actually managed to squeeze between him and the endless procession of semis which took up the slow lane at maddeningly inconvenient intervals. This went on for about 10 miles, or 80 years in interstate time.
Finally there was a space he liked. He had been window shopping for so long, I was like “Eureka! Prom dress found!!!” Well he slipped over [no signal] and let everyone else by. I began to pass him and he sped up…I sped up too. He began to go faster and I could almost hear the maniacal laughter from inside his rolled up windows. We kept this up until I realized that he was truly a full-fledged whackadoodle!
Here’s what then happened; my buttons got pushed, my fight or flight kicked in and I said, “Oh nuh, uh!” So I decided this guy is dangerous and freaking nuts to boot…I was passing him!!! So I did. HA! When I saw him from a healthy distance in my rear-view, I slowed and so did he!!! Game over. BUT not really! Suddenly blue and red lights were flashing and I immediately began to shake, stifling whimpers as I pulled over. I realized the C.H.P had pulled over somebody else too….Hah! It was the Oregonian whackadoodle! I sat there in shock while the officer took forever to come and speak with me, They do that to help get your bowels moving.
So here are the facts: I have NEVER had a ticket and I am 53. The officer did allow me to explain what had happened. But he had already started writing my ticket so too-bad-so-sad. However; he wrote mine for 76 mph and Mr. Whackadoodle’s for 81!!!! At least it was something, it was a little bone thrown. His advice….’just drop back next time and let the crazies go’. Actually very good advice.
 I was so upset that when I drove away I could not stop crying the rest of the way to Redding. I should have let Jamie drive right then and there because; in a confusing dust-up by the Taco Bell I ran a red light!!! !*@#!!*%?@! So now I had reached epic portions of hysteria as I pictured ANOTHER ticket issued electronically with a photo of my big fat tear-stained face as I wove my way through the kindly people turning left. [I found out later that there is no traffic-cam there] Thank You Jesus!!!!
Needless to say, the thoughtful loosening of my bowels which the officer had begun was now complete. I sat in a stall in, you guessed it, the Costco ladies room as I heard the little Hispanic cleaning lady chirping outside about filling up all the T.P.holders….and then WHAM!!! She pushed through the lock and the door….and I just thought…sure…for once that old poem was true “Here I sit broken-hearted”
Maybe I needed a lesson in humility, maybe I had thoughtlessly laughed at someone else’s misfortune. Maybe I had stepped on a bug, who knows?…So the next day I stayed in bed all day with my iPad fired up, beauty  idea! Tonya Willman

Sunday, January 12, 2014

Feeling Kinda Bloggy

Well, hello there!
Thanks for stopping by and reading my latest blog post. I bet you thought I had either died, or been beamed up! The last post was around Easter 2013, so yeah, I’m a little behind on stuff.
I will tell you, I have changed the blog a bit. I took off all the extra pages of my favorite beautiful pictures, funny animals and cartoons because it’s all either on Face Book or Pinterest, or possibly Tumblr or Deviant Art. So I’m figuring many of you have seen it all before.
Plus, I am lazy and had not updated any of the pages and they were stale and dried out and crying out for nourishment. I made them go away….I decided to keep a couple things, but mostly just to blog, since well…it IS a blog.
So there have been lots of changes that are really just family changes and should not be shouted abroad [okay, I will shout this much; we have a new grandbaby coming in late June! Woot]. For a while I went into an even deeper mental hibernation that I just might be waking up from. And really, just ever so much that is simply called life. PLUS I recently had surgery. Stay tuned and I may reveal what kind of surgery in future blogs…are you intrigued? Well I am still female, white and old so it is nothing for prurient minds to ponder. Anyway, mia culpa on the lack of entries, I love your faces for hanging in there!
It’s winter time again and we still haven’t moved out of this canyon, which many of us refer to as ‘living in the crack’, which usually means snow. *Sigh, I always mean to move but I never get around to it….that’s a joke, if God gave us the okay I would be packing up faster than Congress heading out on vacation! But it is unusually dry here so far. Some rain but not the anxiety and migraine inducing snow and the heavy white drifts I loathe.
Why do I stay, you ask? Because Hubby can’t retire yet and where he goes, I go. Plus the lack of a little something I like to call ‘cash’. You have to be pretty flush to move, you know? And the only things connected to the word flush around here are the toilets.
So, as my neurons and synapses begin firing again I will be thinking of just tons of new blogging material. Check in and see once in a while. PLUS I love to rant! I know, I know, as a Christian I should not rant but two minutes in the Costco parking lot could produce and epic blog, you never know!
Also, I’d like to give a big shout out to our Troops!!! I wish you were all home and sitting in your recliners watching the game, I truly do... I also wish everybody at Costco was too. It would be SO much easier! Right?
Tonya Willman
© 2014

Sunday, April 14, 2013


By finally accepting the truth that you have abandoned your blog as though it were a fractious and unruly step-child, (as if you were ever capable of such a thing)...*gasp! You come to see that it sits there on the Blog Spot curb; waiting for you, piteous and rain-soaked, and really not fractious at all.
No it is your own unruly, foggy and scattered brain that is the problem. Unfortunately I think I might just qualify for behavioral meds. I have digressed to a span of working memory that lasts up to, and until, there is any quick darting movement or bright shiny objects….
I am actually giving my already taxed synapses a challenge. I am writing this while listening to music**Adele right now. I usually write in silence because listening to music while I try to craft sentences is, for me, like walking and chewing gum….um yeah, not so much. But I thought why not accept the challenge? Who challenged me, you ask? It was the voices……*wink
So I thought I would update anyone who might have even a fleeting interest and still checks in….if you are out there you are a loyal and amazing blog fan!!!! With a list of highlights
♫♪…….hang onsorry this is my favorite Adele song *pause…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..♫♪
Sorry, so anyway let’s see:
~ My oldest son and his wife had a beautiful baby boy named  Logan Rodney William Willman (he is now 9 months old!)
~They moved back to Medford and broke my heart, but it is mending, because it is what is best for them*pause…………♫………..dang, got lost in the music…………….
♫♪…sorry, sorry!
~I turned 52 in September….SHUT UP!!! I know!!!!
~ I continue to battle the fibro, and it is a sucky, hard battle.
~I have gotten more little bright lights on my brain*pause……♫♪……anyway; though they are shiny and pretty on the MRI they are NOT helpful at all. BUT the good news is that it is not MS, which was the first diagnosis******BTW, to the medical community: DO NOT just GUESS with a diagnosis like MS!!! I lived under that for 4 months until the Neurologist finally saw me and said  “No it is not MS, it is arteriosclerosis of the brain….Oh so much better then,*pause………………………………………………………………………………………………………….♫♪ sorry!!! Adele and I often sing together when no one is around. She works hard to keep me on key and doesn’t criticize.
So these little spots are calcified where little vessels have bled. Little TIA’s??? I dunno, I cannot get a straight answer…but the foggy ‘Aunt Clara’ thinking progresses. I have embraced it now. What the heck, on the bad side I can be easily gas-lighted, on the good side; I just flat out get to say; “Nope sorry I forgot that appointment. Sorry I don’t know….hmm, you may be right.” It feels good, I don’t argue, and takes all of the pressure right off. Plus, at least it makes some kind of sense now. “I’m sorry, have we met???”
~We got a new Puppy!!!!! A little black pug named Ruby!!! Oh my, she is the epitome of quick darting movements, and bright shiny objects! I love her little face!!!
~I seem to have aged a decade in this last big fibro flare-up, but *pause…….♫……~” you know how the time flies; only yesterday was the time of our lives. We were born and raised in a summer haze, bound by the surprised of our glory days…♫” ~Thank you Adele!!! She just reminded me of this. One of my all time pieces of lyrics, and so apropos.
~So; I am way older than I should be now. It was like some kind of horrible ‘beautiful mind’ experiment gone astray. Or like someone cosmically hit the fast forward button on my body in a matter of months. ****♫ now I am listening to David Essex’s amazing 1972 hit “Rock On”*pause……………………. ♫♪…………………………………………… oh my!!!! So faboo! I was such a young school girl then…. I wore that 45 OUT!  Oh I am saying….
~I do not read the scary news anymore…only the headlines. And if North Korea bombs us, I hope it lands in my lap!  HELLO JESUS!!!! *pause........♫♪……Jackson Browne “Doctor My Eyes” *pause………….♪…..

~ Maybe I can write while listening to music after all….or not. But regardless; I am pretty sure this list will not include something of major change and importance, because I simply forgot to remember it….no matter, it’s all good. Tonya Willman ©2013…..♫♪*big pause..........

Saturday, March 16, 2013

A Quote For A Moment

"If you're living the dream, how do you know if you're awake or asleep?" ~Karl Pilkington

Monday, October 1, 2012


Dearest lovely friends…..
  This is a quick bloggity-blog to let you know that I have NOT abandoned 4 and 20 Sparrows. But, um, I simply lost my mind for a wee while and for a wisp of a moment; my will to live. You may smile and say….”That T. what a hoot she is…” well thank you, but it is still a true story. Depression bites, hard.
   Apparently all of my serotonin decided to leap from my brain and skitter away, possibly under the fridge, I don’t know. I rarely clean there. Don’t you hate that? Realizing it’s been like six months since you cleaned under it. So you muster up the courage and pull it out…oh dear Lord! It’s a special kind of dirt. It is evil, grimy fridge dirt…Oh, and look! There is that recipe you’ve been looking for, plus a bonus of a hairy tater-tot…so why would my serotonin want to go there?
      I am pretty sure it didn’t follow my eyebrows down to Cancun. The middle of both my brows disappeared, for real!--- I believe it was some type of tweezer protest--- I don’t know, but anyway, maybe the serotonin is way smarter without me and ran out into the garden and hid…just stayed there among the flowers and shrubs….lolling around and laughing with the wisteria.
    It is a certainty I wasn’t doing any laughing. Mostly I was weeping piteously and snotting on myself. I would vacillate between that; and angry outbursts because some driver cut me off, or my son hurt my feelings, or the dinner I made tasted like yak spit or when I looked in the mirror all I could see was that lovely combination of wrinkles and zits….
     I truly believed, at the time, my depression was spiritual. I kept stomping around and crying and scaring my family and begging Jesus to forgive me, and occasionally being mistaken for someone with Tourette’s Syndrome, until my mom and my sister said…”You must see the doctor”--- By the by: they had said this at least a dozen times before--- But finally after an outburst that would have impressed Alec Baldwin (as I sat sobbing and spent)…I listened.
    The doctor knew what to do. I had fought it, because I have to take so many meds anyway, and I certainly did not think it was going to help! It was supposed to take up to three weeks to work. By the end of week one I was feeling almost human. The Tourette’s immediately stopped! The crying jags began to subside. By week three I was back to my regular weird self, still with the fibro and the pain, but SO much better. I realized more than ever before that a person can take physical pain a hundred times easier when the mental pain subsides.
     Any hoo, I got me some shiny new serotonin! It is staying because the medicine says so. Apparently my brain soaked it up like a floppy camel at an oasis. Even that first week: what with the serotonin hypotenuse of the cortexial lingula being so depleted and all; and the synapsis just moping around firing randomly, not even caring if they hit a target. And really, at that point they were just phoning it in anyway.
    So, God-speed to the old serotonin, I just hope it knows to go south for the winter, it gets freaking cold and depressing here come December! But, truly I haven’t forgotten this blog. I think about it a lot. And just see! My brain and my fingers finally got together for this post.
    I do so love you all and hope you will still check in, because: ‘Every day in every way…I’m getting better and better.’ *eye twitch.
Tonya Willman
© 2012