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Monday, October 25, 2010

Falling Up

My youngest son says that if he stares up into the sky for too long, he feels like he is ‘falling up into the sky.’ It bothers him. Maybe it is an inner-ear thing.
But I envy him. I wish I could fall up into the sky. I wish I could drift away into the clouds. And even if I only felt like I was going to, that would be okay. I could use my imagination. I could pretend that I could keep going. I would keep going straight up to God. It would be like the Rapture and it would be wonderful.
I hate the feeling that I am going to fall….down…. Oddly, I hate heights. It has come on me the older I have gotten. Like looking down off of bridges and cliffs; it sends a literal physical pain up my back. I avoid it at all costs.
But if I was lying in the grass and looking up, I wouldn’t be afraid, because why would I need to? It’s not like I am going to plummet off the back yard to my death.
Oh I do envy him. What must that feel like? He doesn’t like it. So it obviously does not feel good to him. But would I like it? If I could use it, control it? And oh, if I really could!!!
 I know this writing has a vaguely suicidal mist hanging over it, and I don’t mean for it to, not one bit. I am happy to be alive. I have no desire to cross the River Styx at this point.
I am only saying; if I could fall up into the sky, I would. I would want to keep going too. I know all of you people with scientific minds out there are thinking: What about the Troposphere, Ionosphere, Thermosphere and the Exosphere?  What if icicles form on your nose, or you grow a third arm from the radiation or you burn up in re-entry?
I have thought carefully about my reply, and here it is: “Shut up!!!” Do I stick my icy nose into your fantasies? No! Of course you have not, as of yet, shared any of them with me, but feel free to e-mail me anytime!
I guess I just like the imagery of the phrase; Falling up into the sky. It is majestic! Where would it stop being blue? I am sure scientists know, but that is not the point. I want to know for myself. I want to drift through a cloud. I know it is just thick mist, just gobs of fog….but I still want to poke my head in there.
I guess the most important thing is; I would want to keep on going till I got to Heaven. Somehow I don’t think Heaven is 100% straight up, I have this gut feeling that when you get to a certain point you’re going to want to take a sharp right.
My mother-in-law died this past February. She picked a sunny day and was gardening out in our back yard. She literally just stepped out of this world into the next. She was so wonderful and funny and beautiful and every other lovely adjective you can think of. But most importantly she knew Jesus as her Savior.
So did she do that? Did she fall up into the sky? Did she have a chance to experience that part, or did she just literally find herself standing in a different garden? She still had her garden gloves filled with weeds, I think she must have just looked around and said; “well I won’t need those anymore!” And then she beheld that beautiful face, the most wondrous face in all of eternity. That just makes falling up into the sky seem like a walk around the block. So, it’s okay I’ll wait. Someday I will behold such a place, such a face that no fantasy could ever compare. Falling up into the sky……..wow. Tonya Willman ©2010

4 comments:

  1. I love the title of this blog. One of my favorite children's authors, the late Shel Silverstein (who also happened to write the great Johnny Cash song "A Boy Named Sue") wrote a fabulous poem:

    Falling Up

    I tripped on my shoelace
    And I fell up
    to the roof tops,
    Up over the town,
    Up past the tree tops,
    Up over the mountains,
    Up where the colors
    Blend into the sounds.
    But It got me so dizzy
    When I looked around,
    I got sick to my stomach
    And I threw down.

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  2. Wondermous Susan!!!! Who knew? Not I. But isn't it amazing that it came from Jacob's mind too? I love the poem. Thank you for sharing it. I think I 'pretend' as much now as I did as a child. Why does that come back? Maybe Jacob and I will collaborate......He has so much in his soul. Deliciously wonderful things to dream on and use as starting points. I wish he would write more for himself!!! Call him and give him an assignment, Ms. Keeler!!!

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  3. My assignment for Jacob is to collaborate with you! Would he write something on your blog?

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  4. Oh, very cool thought. What if I could even get him to do his own blog!!!! It would keep him busy and ever so productive!!!!!We could promote it! =)

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