To A Degree

     People love to put all kind of initials after their names, in fact they adore it. Lots of these are very hard earned, and many of them are quite recognizable; PhD, MBA, BA, BS, BBA. Here’s a good one: BSASE, Bachelor of Science Aerospace Engineering. A little obscure…who knew? I, in my ignorance, would have thought it stood for “bring a self-addressed stamped envelope.” Oooo, here is a good one:  JD, Doctor of Jurisprudence. It seems like it should be DJ, but then people would just be trying to hire you out for weddings. Jurisprudence; The philosophy or science of law. So isn’t JD a lot like LLD, Doctor of Laws? (why the extra “L”?) My teeny-tiny mind is ever so confused.
     Here’s a good one: CVES, certified vocational evaluation specialist. I am confident I could do this job. In fact, I do it every day; sadly I am just lacking the certificate. I am sharp as a tack when it comes to evaluating whether someone is in their proper vocation. This has got to be the best certificate to obtain in the world. “Hey you! Yeah you…..you stink at this job!” Voila! But…how to get hired? Who hires you? Obviously, some crack Human Resources team. It’s like those “secret shopper” jobs you always see being touted over the Internet. What a gig! But, who falls in to these professions? You have just GOT to know somebody.
     And it gets so confusing. MD is obviously medical doctor.  MEd, is master of education….  But shouldn’t MEd have something to do with MEd-icine???? Also, just imagine it…what must it be like to be a Master of Education? It boggles the mind. Do you have to know everything about every subject? (I mean come on; you are a MASTER OF EDUCATION) If so, then clearly you are pretty sharp when it comes to med-icine as well. Why, a MEd should be able to get a job doing anything!!!! Hats off and kudos MEd!
    You probably think I have a bad case of education envy. You probably think I am mocking the learned. Not true! I hold some of them in highest esteem. I used to hold all of them in fairly high esteem, but then life happened, and I now know many of them are really just PH-dorks. You could have like, fitty letters after your name and still have the social skills and common sense of moldy bread.
      I hear you saying, “So what! Can you do what they do?” No! In fact at this point I am pretty much qualified for nothing, but this is neither here nor there. I met a Rheumatologist that should have had BSJ after his name for Big Stupid Jerk. Sadly he didn’t, which is too bad because it would have saved us all a lot of time. Later I met a Rheumatologist that should have had an AD, after his name for Awesome Doc.
      Over the top? I’m just saying…Okay then; it would help to have some sort of government verification number even just showing where they graduated in their class. (Talk about a time-saver!!!) Something like: Dr. Filbert M. Foggknocker, MD, PhD, DVM, 437/439. You would know that Dr. F.M.Foggknocker graduated 437^th out of a graduating class of 439. See? Easy as a walk in the park to steer clear of him!
     In summary, I myself have a CBE….Certificate in Business Effectiveness. It has people beating down my door to hire me. Seriously it means nothing. It took me a year and a half (grades 13 through most of 14) to complete; and I can now state proudly that I have learned to be a team-player. I just have no team to play on. For some reason businesses seem to shy away from hiring 50-year-old Displaced-Homemakers. That is the term they used for me when I enrolled in the 13^th grade (seriously, look it up).
     I think I should be able to add CBE, DH after my name whenever I sign it. I may even have checks printed…..and a plaque. Tonya L. Willman CBE, DH. Yep, I like the sound of that. I will use it to show others how to be effective at…whatever, and I will hire myself out as a consultant on the variables and diversity of The Displaced… (We are a motley crew.) How can I miss in a society that has such a love affair with letters?    Tonya Willman©2011